he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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