Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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