Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
