Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
