she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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