do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
