SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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