Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Buhtt sex?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
