Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
