I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
