Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
