I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
