I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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