A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
