I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
