you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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