Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
