she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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