chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
