you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize