I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
