Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry compostfetish41 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

Fav 10 1522 951
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.

Fav 12 854 4185
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(925): View more from California

I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

Fav 13 3475 1771
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

Fav 12 3897 1154
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

Fav 5 2728 1408
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

Fav 12 2950 958
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(209): View more from California

I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

Fav 1 1490 907
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat

Fav 0 53 21
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(509): View more from Washington

oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use

(509): View more from Washington

that will happen

Fav 0 67 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT