It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
