I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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