mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize