smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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