oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
