when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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