honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
