My first STD was from a foam party
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
