im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize