he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
