I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
