You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
