I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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