we have officially lost it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
