She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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