the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
