btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
