Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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