Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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