After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
