I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
