so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think my mom watched the whole time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
