he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
