Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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