People in love make me want to vomit
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
