If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
