The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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