Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
