right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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