What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
