first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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