I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
