I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
