at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
