its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
