What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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