then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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