theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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