We got so high we made milksteak
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
