I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
