Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
