just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
