we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
