That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
