i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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