i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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